


Hold onto me, ‘cause I’m a little unsteady

by Wild_Quetzal



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hasegawa Langa Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Langa and Reki finally talk, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV First Person, POV Hasegawa Langa, Pining, Unrequited Love, at least till ep 9, poor thing give him back his bf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 02:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30115602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wild_Quetzal/pseuds/Wild_Quetzal
Summary: Wandering through the streets of an empty city is a familiar feeling for Langa. His home was on the mountains with the cold air brushing his skin, he thought he found another home, one that was warm and sunny but maybe he’s losing it...Without knowing what to expect, he’ll try to open his heart before it’s too late
Relationships: Hasegawa Langa/Kyan Reki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Hold onto me, ‘cause I’m a little unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is another fic where Langa and Reki TALK, and it’s my very first one in this fandom, yay! The wait for the next episode is being agonic, what can I say... 
> 
> I got the title from Unsteady by X Ambassadors, the other referenced song is Alone by Heart
> 
> I apologize for any possible mistakes, enjoy!

_Where are you, Reki?_

I have never experienced an earthquake. Somehow, now I feel like I have. The whole world, my whole life has been shaking nonstop lately.

The artificial lights of the small mall blind me as I enter in. The night is much darker outside. It’s getting so late and not much people wanders through the dark at this hour. Just lost souls, like mine, and maybe Reki’s.

There’s a song playing at the mall. The familiar words would welcome me with a nostalgic sensation in another moment, right now, they only achieve giving me a sour taste on my tongue.

_And the night goes by so very slow..._

I need to buy a bottle of water, because even if I haven’t eaten anything since a long while ago, I wouldn’t handle to put anything into my mouth. Not with this weird feel in my stomach that somehow has worsened with the song. 

_Till now I always got by on my own..._

My father used to listen to this song. He used to say it brought back good memories. 

_I never really cared until I met you..._

It’s funny, or cruel, how it reminds me of Reki right now. Or maybe it’s just that everything has been reminding me of Reki in the last few days: the birds that sing outside of my window every morning, the sun, every place where I’ve been with him... which it’s almost everywhere I know. We’ve shared a lot in a short period of time and I didn’t even noticed.

_And now it chills me to the bone..._

Two of the people this song makes me remember are gone from my life in some way. Or at least, that’s what I fear. I never expected to find back this kind of aching feeling inside my chest so soon.

_How do I get you alone..._

I hurry to buy my bottle and leave the mall. I’ve been walking for hours in “S” looking for Reki, but probably he left a while ago. I can’t give up, not now, not when Reki screamed my name. Not when I got back the feeling that used to impulse me forward. Not when I finally realized what I feel for Reki.

But everything is so uncertain. 

And I hate it.

I hate that my world just won’t stop shaking. I feel trapped in an unstoppable earthquake. Or maybe stuck in a boat at the middle of the ocean in an eternal storm.

Deep down, I’m afraid.

All the hope I gained from hearing Reki’s voice, from seeing him for a second, from listening Joe’s encouraging words, is now tottering. Because why did Reki left right after? Maybe he still hates me for breaking our promise after all. I’d never thought it’d have such terrible consequences. 

But there’s no way I’m giving up now, not until the last hope vanishes in the air as sudden and as unexpected as when Reki came into my life in the first place.

Carrying my broken board behind my arm, I continue walking along the street, to Reki’s house, the last place where I think he might be. And if he isn’t there... then maybe it’d mean that I don’t know him as good as I thought. 

The streets don’t feel familiar yet. I still struggle to recognize the places, specially when it’s this dark. It’s not how it used to be back in my city in Canada. The city I knew as good as the palm of my hand. My dad used to take me everywhere during his free days, he taught me everything I needed to know. The other people from my class used to hang out all the time, but I wouldn’t, it’s not that I didn’t like them, it’s just that my relationship with them was never too intimate. I tried to fool myself saying that I was too busy, that I didn’t have time to go out, but maybe that wasn’t the entire truth. At the end it didn’t matter, I’d go out with my dad anyway. To the cinema, to a restaurant, to museums... to the mountains. Until I couldn’t. 

Until he wasn’t there anymore.

Then the city I used to know as good as a part of myself felt empty. Every place hurt. Every place was a memory where I could find my dad, but finding him pierced my chest with poison, because he wasn’t really there. And the mountains, our favorite place, hurt the most.

This new city was empty too when I first arrived. But it was empty in another way. It was that kind of emptiness that is ready to be filled with new memories. My mother said we would start a new life in here, and we did in some way. 

Reki filled those memories, appearing as casually as a blossom that fell from a sakura tree in front of me. When did we get so close? Somehow it feels like it was always like that, that we’ve been friends for a lifetime. I thought it was skating the only thing which made me feel this place like home, but when Reki left... well... I realized a lot of things.

I became aware of the immense void inside my chest, surrounded by fear. I can’t lose Reki. Not him.

I never expected to feel these foreign streets so empty. Not again. This time there’s nowhere to run away.

And I continue walking for what it feels like an eternity. It’s like swimming in a choppy sea, not letting me to breathe. And then I find him.

Reki is there, sitting on the sidewalk outside of his home. Why is he not inside? He hasn’t noticed me yet, because his eyes are fixed on the pavement. His arms surround his knees like trying to protect himself of something I’m not aware of. He’s wearing a dull colored jacket, one I’ve never seen him wearing before, it’s not like the bright colored ones he likes. The red of his hair is what assures that it’s actually him, I like to think that I’d recognize his silhouette anyway, though. Illuminated only by the light of a nearby streetlight, he looks like a sad figure. And my stomach churns when I think that.

It’s been a while since the last time I saw him smiling. I wish I could remember when that was exactly. If I knew back then that it would be the last time he’d blind me with one of his grins, maybe I’d have tried to memorize it so I could go back to it every time he glanced me with those gloomy eyes. Nor melancholy nor anger belongs to Reki’s expression. Reki is bright, silly, and cheerful. And every time he smiles it’s like you could feel summer breeze on your skin.

I get closer. How can I miss him this much when he’s right here in front of me?

“Reki...” My voice comes out so thin that even when everything is silent, I fear that it’ll get lost in the air.

Reki doesn’t startle. But he doesn’t look at me either.

“What do you want, Langa?” He says with a tired voice tone.

The knot inside my throat tells me that my voice won’t ever manage to come out. I’ve never been so good at talking. I’ve never perceived it as something necessary, what I can say is enough for everything I had to tell my classmates back in Canada, or now with my mom. Nothing has ever prepared me for when what’s inside my chest is greater than what any word could express. What if I say too little? Or what if I say too much? I’ve imagined myself apologizing to Reki a few times, but now, in front of him, it’s like everything just vanished. 

“Go home, Langa.”

Reki’s voice is raspy, it’s so unlike him. I wonder if he knows the tones of my voice as well as I know his. Or maybe that’s something I noticed because I was seeing him in another light, even if I wasn’t fully aware of it. Now that I think about it, it’s so obvious. How couldn’t I fell for those golden eyes? 

In a moment of bravery, I decide that this is worth fighting for.

“No, Reki, I-“

“Didn’t you hear me?” He interrupts me with a tired voice “I wanna be alone.”

There’s more inside his voice than just fatigue. Reki sounds broken. The worst thing is that this isn’t the first time I hear him shatter. How couldn’t I notice it before? Right when Reki assured that he was alright, there was something inside him that cried for help. And I didn’t listen. And I wasn’t there for Reki when he needed me. Maybe that’s also why he hates me now.

Even I hate myself. I hurt him in so many ways. 

And I still dare to think that I love him.

Reki lifts his gaze and his eyes meet mine. They are covered with a layer of sorrow and anger. His gaze is sharp and it pierces my chest. Reki clenches his fists and his jaw tenses when I do nothing. I understand what he needs, but I don’t want to believe it.

The world shakes once more. It feels like those first times when I couldn’t manage to stay still on the board, when my feet slip over and over again. But the fall hurts a thousand more times.

It can’t be happening again.

Everything feels like ashes.

I already lost him.

I give a step back instinctively. My hands hurt and shake so I grip my forearms to keep them still. It’s Reki’s mouth opening and his eyebrows reflecting surprise and concern what makes me realize that I’m crying. A soft fresh breeze cools the wetness on my cheeks.

“Langa,” Reki stutters as he stands up and for a second it seems like he tries to grab my arms right before stopping and making some distance between us “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“N-No,” I stammer, forcing myself not to sob “I understand, really, I won’t bother you anymore, I- just- wanted to say-“ but it’s worthless because my voice cracks “I’m sorry!”

The tears run down my face and I can’t stop sobbing. My broken board falls to the ground. I try to wipe away my tears with my hands but they’re shaking so much that I’m just making a mess of myself. I’m drowning, I’m drowning in this furious ocean. Why does things can never stay the same? Why does it hurts so much every time?

“Langa...” I can hear the hesitance in his voice, because I can’t see him.

And the next thing I feel are Reki’s arms holding me close.

He doesn’t say anything, neither do I. But I hope this moment lasts forever, because life just won’t let me have another one. When something ends, there’s no turning back. And I won’t force Reki to do anything.

I can’t stop myself from remembering that time when he offered his hand so I wouldn’t fall from the board. I would accept it this time.

“Are you done crying?” His voice isn’t as harsh as I expected.

I nod.

He pulls away from our hug. But he stays close. His eyes staring at the pavement.

“I shouldn’t have broken our promise, I should have been there for you... I get that you hate me.”

“Hate you?!” Reki exclaims “I... I didn’t know you thought that,” He glimpses me for a second, before turning away “I don’t hate you, Langa.”

“Then why did you avoid me? Why were you asking me to leave?” I really don’t understand...

Reki shrugs his shoulders.

“I didn’t think you’d be upset about it, maybe you’ll just move on eventually...”

“Why would I do that?!” I yell.

Reki? Me? Moving on? Forgetting about this immense feeling I get whenever I see him smile? Reki, no, I’d never, because I-

“Because I’m not like you!” Reki shouts, looking at me with a deep frown “You’re just so ahead of me all the time! We can’t be together anymore because I can’t keep up with you!”

“But, Reki, you’re amazing!” His golden eyes widen suddenly “You taught me how to skate but not only that! Skating makes you happy, you have fun with it! And I... I realized that what makes me enjoy skating is sharing it with you.”

Reki suppresses a gasp. His confused eyes try to search for an answer in mine. But I don’t know how to put it into words.

Reki shouting my name at the middle of the race. Reki laughing during our free time. Reki talking enthusiastically about his passion. All make my heart remember how it felt like being surrounded by snow, the cold wind against my skin, the pine trees ornamenting the landscape. My feet tied to a board, steady, I know I won’t fall, no matter how high I fly. It felt like home. I never learned to feel comfortable without something holding me to the board. And Reki gave me that.

“Reki, I want to be with you. I’d want to even if you weren’t interested in skating at all.” My doubtful hand searches for his, looking for something to keep me from sinking “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

Reki doesn’t reject my hand, on the contrary, he holds it.

“I’m sorry too,” He says after some moments “I shouldn’t have abandoned you like that.”

This time is me who searches for his arms. I hug him tightly and he returns the hug. It’s like a lifesaver in the ocean.

“Just... promise me you’ll stop using that sad puppy face, okay?” He giggles.

“I’ll try.”

I know it’s not as easy as that. We both probably have more issues to deal with, but that can’t be solved during a single night. But I’m relieved to know that Reki is still here.

“And, Reki?”

“Yeah?”

“Just know you can rely on me, okay?”

Reki holds his breath. Then he tightens the hug before nodding loosely.

When he breaks the hug, Reki notices my board which fell to the ground at some point.

“Oh, I broke it but... we can fix it, right?”

The red haired boy stares at me as if trying to decipher if I’m talking seriously.

“Yeah, we can.”

And so, we sit together on the sidewalk. Maybe neither of both is ready to let each other go after all this time being separated. The thought warms my chest and my cheeks. The possibility of Reki feeling the same for me as I do for him is something I have avoided thinking about too much. But the hope is definitely there, specially with those honey eyes fixed on me with a cheerful, yet intimate, expression. It’s then when I realize that he probably asked something I didn’t hear.

“You never change, huh?” His tone isn’t angry, it’s rather mocking and funny.

“Is that bad?”

He denies with his head as he nudges my arm.

“Nah,” he giggles “I like you with your head in the clouds and all.”

Have we been so close all this time? Because I’m getting lost in his eyes and in the way his soft smile curves. I can feel the warmth of his breath tickling my skin when he lets out a small chuckle. And without thinking, I lean in.

I lean in until I touch his lips with mine. His skin is as warm as the summer and as soft as a feather. Our kiss lasts less than a second, until Reki pulls away.

My heart sinks and I clench my jaw as I see Reki’s startled expression.

I stand up suddenly, before I can ruin more the things between us.

“Sorry!” I manage to say “Uh- see you soon?”

And then I turn around and I start running, almost stumbling over my own feet. I can’t believe I almost ruin it again. What was I thinking?! Why is this so hard?! I hurry up back to my house, leaving behind my broken board without even realizing.

  
  
****

  
The next morning looks like any other. The sun rays caress the green folliage of the trees. And everything seems calm. What’s inside me must be completely the opposite of this weekend morning. 

My mom hasn’t waken up yet so she won’t ask questions about why am I leaving home so early. 

If everything is weird and awkward between me an Reki from now on, at least I’d like to have my board back. Broken or not, Reki made it for me. It’s marked with a thousand memories. So I must swallow my embarrassment and go to get it back.

I try to regulate my breath counting.

_One, two, one, two..._

I kissed Reki last night. What guided my body to make that move is beyond my understanding. It’s clear that I wasn’t even thinking, it’s not the first time that I’m in that kind of situation, but in this case I should’ve been more careful. Specially considering that our patched relationship may still be fragile.

I wonder if my dad would have some advice for me if he was still around... But, of course, I wouldn’t even be in this country if he was. A bittersweet and unexplainable feeling settles in my chest.

I arrive to Reki’s workshop acting on a hunch.

And before knocking on the door I wish Reki to be anywhere but here. I’m not sure if I am ready. Should I apologize again? Maybe I should. I definitely should. If I don’t knock right now I’ll probably end up running away, so I just go for it.

“Come in!” Says a very familiar voice inside.

I slide open the door and there he is. There is Reki and his big attentive eyes, and his shinny red hair, and his talented hands... working on my board?

“Langa?!” He yells as he drops the screwdriver he was using and blushing intensely “What are you doing here?!” My hear sinks and he covers his mouth with his hands “No! I didn’t mean that! I mean it’s too early, isn’t it? Shouldn’t you be still sleeping?”

Okay, I’m not that unwelcome... I think.

I shrug my shoulders.

“It’s not like I got any sleep anyway.”

“You couldn’t- ah-“ He focuses back on my board “I see.”

A very long silence appears between us. The words leave my mouth and my tongue forgets how to move. Every time I think about something to say nothing comes out and I just feel my cheeks getting hotter.

“About yesterday...” It’s Reki who breaks the silence because of course he would. Despite having to deal with his own emotions he always thinks about the others, he cares deeply and he knows what to say to pull a smile. Even now when I can feel his hesitance, I can also hear how careful he’s being to not hurt me. But it doesn’t have to be like that, Reki, if you’re going to reject me it’ll break my heart, no matter how softly you say it. But that’s okay, because I wouldn’t force you to do anything, because being by your side in any way will always be more than enough.

“Uh... I never...” Reki continues “I never thought about you like that, no, wait, that sounded bad,” he bites his lip “actually I’ve never thought about guys like that- Ah!” He puts his hands on his head and yells “Wait! That sounded worse! Ah! Why is this so difficult?!”

The slam on the table makes me startle and jump, even when it wasn’t even that loud. Reki puffs out a breath and comes closer to me. I’ve never seen him more flushed than today.

“Listen,” he says firmly as he puts a finger on my chest “you always go too fast! But...” his expression softens in a tiny smile “but I think I can keep up with you.”

And then he cups my face in his rough hands and pulls me closer until our lips clash together. I didn’t even have time to close my eyes because of the surprise, gazing his tinted cheeks and feeling his small smile against my lips makes me sigh and close my eyelids slowly. I curl my arms around Reki, a little shaky because I can’t believe this is happening, but also lovingly and giddily because it’s actually happening. It isn’t like yesterday, the kiss is firm and long and _beautiful_.

Reki pulls away with a small laugh without letting go my face from his hands, I feel his hot breath against my skin. And I also smile.

“Was that weird?” Reki chuckles.

“I’d say unique.”

“Cheesy.” He laughs.

And I can’t restrain myself anymore. I jump into his arms and I hold him in a tight embrace. Reki buries his head against my shoulder playfully.

“Maybe I liked you since the beginning, you know?” He says “And I just didn’t realize.”

I laugh, obviously relating.

“Reki?”

“Huh?”

“I like you too.”

Reki snorts nervously. And I think that’s cute.

We hug each other for a while. Maybe because we’re still nervous about wanting to steal another kiss. Or maybe just because there’s no rush and it’s nice to feel each other here, steady, warm, wiling to stay in ways we’re about to discover. 

I can smell the summer breeze. I thought that the snowy mountains were my home, and maybe they were once. I thought that speed and adrenaline was my happiness. Sometimes I surprise myself for being so blind to the obvious. My heart belongs to the sun and the salty air of the ocean. To the sweetness of a particular bright smile. The sea will keep being choppy and dangerous, but Reki is my little island where I can stay firm. And if the world shakes and I fall, he’ll lend me his hand. I’ll do the same for him.

When I decide that there’s nothing to fear, I pepper him with kisses, listening the adorable melody of his laugh.

“Okay, okay!” He complains “Now on the lips?”

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You said I was too fast.”

“Ha ha, very funny, now come here.”

“Alright.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooh oooh let’s keep feelings!~~~~
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it as much as me when I was writing it, if you did I’d appreciate a lot if you wanna let me know uwu
> 
> Oh and you can visit me on [Tumblr](https://messy-crisantemo.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/messycrisantemo) , I also post fanart in there


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